Well I just did my second shot and it was easier than the first time. I think I have accepted what is happening right now. Now it is the waiting game. The jeopardy music is playing in my head. I am also noticing that my bitch level is pretty high today. I think I need to get a color coded chart with the different levels of bitchiness so that people can have a warning system towards my attitude for that particular moment. Kind of like the chart that the U.S. uses for the terrorist alert. I am not sure how it will work cause I am having issues with pre warning people already. Cause it happens so quick these days. They call it “riba rage”. I call it normal but I have noticed the switch to it is malfunctioning.
I am finding that after the shot I am emotional . Not that I am not normally emotional . But now it is way more obvious. I am hoping that the ones that are affected by my bitchiness realize it is not them . It is really me. They do not deserve the brunt of it but they get it I guess . They haven’t called me on it yet. But I am sure some where deep inside they want to say something but they don’t.
I am very blah right now and I am feeling like crud. And I know it only gets worse from here. I am just glad that I have the chance to take it. I am also noticing more hair is coming out. Now I have been bald before and I can rock that shit I just do not like it. I am pretty tired right now and I guess I am going to lay down for a bit.