So tomorrow is starting my second week of treatment. Not as scared as I was last week. Just feeling pretty bad right now. I do not know why but it seems like nights are worse for me. I get up in the morning and I feel okay. But as the day goes on I feel worse. It was like this before treatment but worse now. I swell during the day and by the night time I look several months pregnant . Which by the way I can not get that way. I had a hysterectomy at age 27. So if I get that way it would be a miracle. And so far no one has asked me how far along I am. I am sure I wont be nice about my reply. But none the less if I looked at me and did not know me.. I would probably think I was. But asking it is not recommended .. For personal safety reasons.
I try to keep my sense of humor about the whole thing though. As someone who has liver disease I have a lot to work with. Lets see there is jaundice. What I like to call my glow worn stage. I mean I have to laugh at it really. If you were to put me in a green had and a green night gown .. I could pass for a glow worm. And if it just so happens that I go glow worm near Halloween. Guess who is a glow worm that year? That’s right this girl right here. And I never have to worry about all the taking the makeup off when I leave the party..
I have also learned through my last time going through treatment that my body does tricks. At my age I probably should not be able to do those things. Not yet any way. But I have the ability to pee, poop, and throw up all the same time. No I have not tried these as a party trick. People frown about things like that in public any way. So that one is an in house thing for me. I am not really proud of it but the fact that I can say to some degree that I have that skill. I do not plan on putting it on any job applications or anything.
This disease has given me back my life so to speak. Before I did not see what a wonderful life I have. And now I can laugh at the strange things in my life. And it is okay. I can see that life does not have to be serious all the time. If I can laugh at the things that would probably back in the day make me cry. I feel like I have grown into the life that I have. I know that some people would look at this and be in a rut because of the fact that they are sick. Yes I am sick. But when I got sick I found out I was stronger than I thought I was. Yes I have my good and bad days . And I dread the sick part on some days. But I also know I can keep a positive attitude about things and that is what will bring me through. Even if treatment does not work. I can say I am living to live not living to die. You have heard the saying YOLO. You only live once. Well that’s not true. You live everyday even if you are just existing here on this planet. You are still above ground. So you are living. The fact is we all have choices in life. The one choice you don’t have is dying. And that is one thing you can only do one time. So wouldn’t rather embrace the life you have and live life with no regrets and just find the happiness and peace that you deserve. Just because I am sick does not mean I have to crawl into the fetal position and give up. I am going to find all the beauty in this life I have. Even when I am going through the bad days where I want to give up. I will look for the good and the beauty that surrounds me each and every second of the day!