Try and see it through my eyes..

Throughout the years I have been “trying” to grow up I have learned a whole lot. See while I was out doing my own thing so to speak I forgot that everyone else was growing up. See I looked at the school, the careers, the moves..Everything as something that I was “not ready” for. Now that I have grown up somewhat I see that all of the things I took for granted well..they.. are… gone! And I can never get those lost opportunities I can never get them back. I have to do that now. I had so much potential that others saw. Just not me. I saw well I do not know what I saw. I don’t know if it was being rebellious or if it was just who I was back then. I honestly can not say. But what I see now today sitting on this couch with a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back and people that always cared I was just to self absorbed that it did not matter to me. Yes I was that selfish. But the fact that I see the changes, And honestly I am not saying this because I want people to see it. I am saying this because today I see and feel a positive change in me. And I feel good about it. Yes I am going through treatment to save my life that I took for granted. But today unlike when I was on the street I am not worried about where I am going to get my next fix.. I see a person that can say in her heart that today I can lay my head on my pillow and know that just for today I AM GOOD! And for me that is huge. And to work for amazing people and do what I love. And try to be the voice for some who can’t say the things I say. I am very content in all of that. I hate that it took hitting rock bottom seeing that all the things and people that I love are precious and that is because I am precious. I have changed my whole outlook on things. It probably also has a lot to do with I do not have to look at the same 4 wooden walls..for what ever the amount of time I am awake. I do not have to get bat shit crazy and take it out on people that it is not even for. I enjoy advocating for my disease. I feel like I am helping. I know today I have goals where almost 7 years ago.. My only goal was chase the next ‘high’. Not today, today I want a place I can call my own, be able to take care of those I can., Finish school and be able to one day say I am healthy. Those are my goals. I could care less about bling and fancy cars. I just want to be with my family, and my real friends and to say today I am doing the very best I can.I know it is strange but if we were all able to sit back and see what we miss on a daily basis .. I think in the big picture we would see that the most important things we have are each other.. Basiscally things that money can not buy!

 

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By aprilgaddis10

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