It is hard for people to understand just how hard it is being sick. People want to think you are lazy or you just do not care about anything. Some even feel you are looking for pity or a handout. In my case it is not that. See I share my story because I feel in my heart it is the right thing to do. Not for pity or wanting someone to feel sorry for me. Cause I honestly do not care why people think I am doing it. Because if they knew me.. I mean really knew me they would know why I am doing it. I want to share my story because I do not know of another way to maybe touch someone’s life. I made my mistakes and I live with those today. I am fighting everyday of my life to just be me. And here lately it has been very difficult. I am learning a lot too. See I knew from my past that when things get tough you really learn who cares about you. Since I have gotten sicker and started treatment I am seeing who those people are. But I put on a happy face and act like everything is okay. When it is not. I am a million feelings all balled up into one and there is no one to catch me if I fall. I do my normal routine of work ,write, take treatment and start over again. I sit in a room when I am sick. Phone doesn’t ring anymore. No one calls and checks on me… I am just me… And it is sad because I am scared a lot of the time but when there is no one to talk to .. Well it hurts. I just wish that what I am going through could help someone not make the same mistakes .. I am angry right now. Mostly with me.. Because I can only reach out so much.. I hate being sick . I hate it when people think that because they are close to me they may feel they too can get sick.. I am at the point where alone is probably the best place for me….